FilmFloggers

34. Titane (2021) Can you give birth to a Ford Fiesta and live to tell the tale?

February 01, 2022 FilmFloggers Season 3 Episode 16
FilmFloggers
34. Titane (2021) Can you give birth to a Ford Fiesta and live to tell the tale?
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Who's bright idea was it to have Fiona watch a French body horror film about someone giving birth to a Ford Fiesta? (car make and model never confirmed. Spoiler)

So Julie Doucorunau went from bitey veterinarians in Raw to a Serial killer Mechanophilia (people who like humping cars, bikes, tractors, basically anything but a Tesla, sorry Elon Musk) in Titane?

Start your engines? Buckle up? Let's hit the road...

Are you a Tight Arse?

Topics discussed during the episode include:

Would you jump in a car with Agathe Rousselle?

Fiona questions the 9-minute standing ovation Titane received at Cairns...Australia? Kannes? Cannes?

Where would you find a car's chastity belt?

How did Ben's little dodger come into this?

Are you a gear stick or handbrake kind of grrrl?

Fiona can't stop talking about David Cronenburg.

Was Patricia Arquette's oscar-winning performance in Boyhood a car crash?

If you ever need to do a chin-up, come to Fiona.

Ben gets confused as to who's who?

Kafka's Metamorphosis gets a post-review mention. Let's get that in for the old algorithm.

Do Ben and Fiona come as a package?

Segments Segments Segments

Say Something: Can Ben find something nice to say about this week's actor?

Pirate Hooker: Are We Smelly Pirate Hookers? Ben doesn't condone piracy...

Flog Scores: the only film scoring system that matters.

Ordinary People: Can we prove that we are just ordinary people by shouting out some lesser-known podcasts? 

Timestamps

(0:00) Intro (no waffling)

(0:15) 15-minute review

(16:35) Hilarious Segments

(26:05) The Sounds of Ireland Outro

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Ben:

She's Fiona.

Fiona:

And he's Ben.

Ben:

Sorry.

Fiona:

How are you meant to do that seriously, Ben?

Ben:

She's Fiona.

Fiona:

And he's Ben.

Ben:

And this is 15 Minutes of Flog.

Fiona:

Ooh, start.

Sound bite:

Are you ready?

Fiona:

Okay. So today we are doing a French movie, Titane, 2021. A body horror/thriller. Received 6.7 on the IMDB. Not entirely convinced about that.

Fiona:

So it's about an erotic dancer, Alexia, who has a car fetish and enjoys a sexual liaison with a car and acts on her murderous impulses. To evade arrest she poses as a missing person, which brings her into a fire captain's world where a peculiar bond is formed. Very peculiar.

Fiona:

It's directed by, excuse my pronunciation, Julia Ducournau.

Ben:

Oh yeah, nailed.

Fiona:

She is also the director of Raw, which is 2016, which is a movie about a vet who develops a craving for human flesh.

Ben:

It is. Good film.

Fiona:

Oh, have we seen it?

Ben:

I've seen it.

Fiona:

All right. The main actors in this are Vincent Lindon who plays the fireman, his name is Vincent in this film. Agathe Rousselle, who plays Alexia. Neither of them... To be fair, Vincent Lindon, he's in quite a few films, but they're all French, so you know my pronunciation with that. Agathe, she's not been in much. That's all I've got.

Ben:

Just looking at that mic.

Fiona:

Don't worry about my mic, Ben.

Ben:

Oh, I'm just going to worry about it.

Fiona:

So yeah, Ben, tell me, what did you think of this body horror? Shite?

Ben:

Shite?

Fiona:

No, no, no, no, no. What did you think of it?

Ben:

Is it Titane?

Fiona:

Titane, yes.

Ben:

What's the French pronunciation though?

Fiona:

Ta-tine.

Ben:

Ta-tine?

Fiona:

Yeah.

Ben:

Are you sure?

Fiona:

No. Am I fuck?

Ben:

Right. It's an interesting one, yeah. We're only doing this because we've not done anything else. So it was like, "Well, let's do something."

Fiona:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Ben:

You're off to Ireland again, so.

Fiona:

Hi.

Ben:

Yeah. "Let's just get something out this week, shall we?"

Fiona:

Well, it wasn't a bad film to do. And, as you said, it seemed to be very well received in France, didn't it? It received a nine-minute standing ovation-

Ben:

Well, not just France.

Fiona:

... after Canes festival. Nine minutes.

Ben:

Fucking canes.

Fiona:

Standing ovation.

Ben:

You think it's Kannes?

Fiona:

What's it called? Cannes?

Ben:

Yes. What are we saying? Yes. No, it's not that it's a bad film, I'm not questioning that as such. It's just one that we shouldn't be doing.

Fiona:

Probably.

Ben:

Certainly, you shouldn't be doing.

Fiona:

Mm-hmm (affirmative), yes.

Ben:

I know Tom's seen it, so maybe I should've got the old Thomas back for a one-off special. And it's 15 minutes, we're waffling already.

Fiona:

You are.

Ben:

You can't talk about this film for 15 minutes if you want to really get into it.

Fiona:

So basically Alexa is a young girl. She has a car accident when she was younger, she's basically been a pratt in the back of a car, resulting in a car accident. And she has to get a titane to the side of her head, a metal plate in the side of her head. So then we see her again, she's an erotic dancer. And then next thing she's having sex with a car.

Ben:

She likes cars, yes.

Fiona:

Yeah.

Ben:

Yeah. So she enjoyed that car crash so much that she now enjoys humping cars?

Fiona:

I have no idea.

Ben:

Is that what we're getting?

Fiona:

But it's quite rough as well, the car suspension. Jesus.

Ben:

Oh yeah. Wow.

Fiona:

And she's all bruised down her legs and her back and-

Ben:

Got to test that chassis.

Fiona:

Is that what it is?

Ben:

Just part of the car, isn't it?

Fiona:

All right? Oh yeah, chastity belt. I'm thinking-

Ben:

Oh, fuck off.

Fiona:

Is she in the back of the car or is she in the front of the car? Because she's tied up, but it wouldn't make sense for her to be in the back of the car because I'm assuming there's a hand brake involved and there's a gear stick involved.

Ben:

I'm not really sure that's the point. No, I don't think that's the point.

Fiona:

So what? She just lets the car bounce and then she gets pregnant. Something has to go in somewhere for it to make sense.

Ben:

I know. But you're talking in a way that this is-

Fiona:

I'm talking in a logical way.

Ben:

Not really, because it's not possible, full stop, is it? Even without the hand brake or the gear stick entering. That doesn't mean that she's more likely to get pregnant because she's bounced up and down on the gear stick or the hand brake.

Fiona:

Well, it'll make a bit more sense. Because me looking at you now-

Ben:

No, no, it doesn't make any sense.

Fiona:

But me looking at you now doesn't mean I'm getting pregnant. Your little dodger has to go in there.

Soundbite:

Oh, behave, baby. Shall we shag now? Or shall we shag later?

Fiona:

Doesn't it?

Ben:

We're talking about a car though, aren't we?

Fiona:

Yeah. I know.

Ben:

Having sex with a car. And you're going, "Well, to be honest, I'm not buying it. Is it the gear stick or is it the hand break? Because if not one of those is going in, I'm not buying it. This is so far-fetched, I can't believe it. This film doesn't make any sense."

Fiona:

Well, yeah, but people do have fetishes and they do have sex with cars.

Ben:

Yes. That's fine.

Fiona:

And trees and all sorts of things.

Ben:

Yeah. Yes, true.

Fiona:

Yeah.

Ben:

I wouldn't spend too long questioning what's going on in terms of, "Can you get pregnant from a car or motor vehicle?" Or whatever. And what bit of the car do you need to be putting in the hole-

Fiona:

Okay. I'm sorry.

Ben:

... to get the pregnancy on the go.

Fiona:

Okay.

Ben:

I think none of it, to be honest.

Fiona:

But also then she's... So obviously she has a fetish with a car. That's fine, that's grand. I get that. But isn't she fucking humping the, what do you call it? The fire truck at the end. She has a go at that.

Ben:

That's pretty heavy that bit at the end because it comes full circle, doesn't it?

Fiona:

Well, yeah.

Ben:

You've sort of left that part at the start. We know that we are heading towards her potentially popping out a, what, a Ford Fiesta? Or whatever she's going to be popping out. Maybe? So you're waiting for it. You know it's happening.

Fiona:

Must be those pregnancy hormones.

Ben:

But it's just that bit at the end, that's probably the worst bit at the film. Because she looks-

Fiona:

What, when they're all looking at her?

Ben:

She looks gross. She looks rough.

Fiona:

Well, she's pretended to be a boy as well.

Ben:

Yeah. She's heavily pregnant with a Fiesta. And then she does... Christ, pig. And then she does this erotic dance, which goes back to the old days of her dancing. And it's like, "Oh God. Oh, that's so horrible."

Fiona:

Yes. It's awkward.

Ben:

It's the worst bit, I think, of the film.

Fiona:

It's quite awkward to watch as well. But I have another question for you-

Ben:

Oh, I've just hit, I've just elbowed the...

Fiona:

Shut up, Ben. I have another question for you. So she's nine months pregnant with a car, whatever you want to call it. She's producing this oil, by the looks of things.

Ben:

I don't think it's nine months though, is it?

Fiona:

Well, she looks like she's nine months, she looks like she's full-term pregnancy in a normal-

Ben:

Yes, right, but I don't think it's taken nine months, has it?

Fiona:

Okay. Anyway, so you see her in multiple scenes of her with no clothes on. She's got a nine-month tummy. Next thing you have a scene, literally two seconds later, and she's as flat as a fucking pancake. Now, I'm sorry, but no compression bandage is going to reduce you that size.

Ben:

Right.

Fiona:

I have an issue with that. I get she's doing it so tightly, that's why she's got bruises all over her body. I get it. But I'm not convinced. Literally, we seen a scene of her before she gets on top of that fucking fire brigade and she's literally all [inaudible 00:06:56] out, everything's hanging. She's pregnant, she's nine months. Next scene she's not. What? Soz, I don't get it.

Ben:

Which scene? Oh, just you mean scene to scene?

Fiona:

Yeah, in general. Yeah.

Ben:

Right, okay. Other stuff, what have we got?

Fiona:

Okay. So your man-

Ben:

So we've got Cronenberg, David Cronenberg. What about him?

Fiona:

Who?

Ben:

David Cronenberg.

Fiona:

Not sure-

Ben:

Body horror. Visceral. We've got all this stuff, haven't we, present in this film?

Fiona:

Yes, we do have lots of body horror.

Ben:

The Fly.

Fiona:

Oh yes, The Fly. I know that.

Ben:

Cronenberg.

Fiona:

Oh, is he the director of it?

Ben:

The brood. That's more mental health. I need to watch that again, that's a good film. Need to rewatch that.

Fiona:

I've watched that.

Ben:

Oh, you don't know Cronenberg?

Fiona:

No, I don't.

Ben:

So it's a waste of conversation, right.

Fiona:

Okay.

Ben:

And Crash.

Fiona:

Don't know Crash.

Ben:

Cronenberg.

Fiona:

Fine.

Ben:

Patricia Arquette, James Spader. I think I've only seen that once maybe when I was young so I didn't understand what was going on.

Fiona:

Okay. Nobody actually gives a shite, Ben-

Ben:

Again, probably worth a rewatch.

Fiona:

... because you're not talking about a film.

Ben:

Well, it's linked to the film. This is about the idea of who has the car crash? Spader has the car crash, and then he becomes turned on by the idea of people having sex in cars while crashing maybe. Something to that effect.

Fiona:

[Inaudible 00:08:07].

Ben:

Sorry?

Fiona:

[Inaudible 00:08:09].

Ben:

[Inaudible 00:08:11]?

Fiona:

Yep. That is-

Ben:

Let's just press play, shall we?

Sound bite :

Mechanophilia

Ben:

Mechanophilia. There you go, that's what it is.

Fiona:

I think I did a good pronunciation of that. What is that? What does that mean? Is that having sex in cars? Like mechanics?

Ben:

Well, yes. It means you get sexually aroused by motorbikes and cars, weird motor vehicles, and stuff.

Fiona:

Oh, weird. Are you aroused by Harry? That's our car, by the way.

Ben:

The Ford Fiesta?

Fiona:

Yeah.

Ben:

No, no.

Fiona:

No, you don't.

Ben:

It just takes me from A to B.

Fiona:

Yeah. I have a question as well. Does Vincent know she's an imposter?

Ben:

Probably.

Fiona:

Or is he just so lonely that he just doesn't care?

Ben:

Yeah. See, this is the thing, that's the interesting part of the film, in many ways, the human drama. Vincent and him struggling with him losing his son, and him getting older, and him doing the steroids, and that's not working for him, and he's trying to do his chin up and he can't do it. So he's not doing anything. That's interesting.

Fiona:

Can you relate, Ben?

Ben:

Well, in 25 years, yeah. Well, 20 years, yeah probably.

Fiona:

Five.

Ben:

Yeah. You'll be there shoving that needle in my arse.

Fiona:

I don't think I will be then.

Ben:

I've got to do my chin-ups.

Fiona:

Right, okay.

Ben:

So yeah, maybe yeah. Right, so that's depressing.

Fiona:

That is interesting.

Ben:

It's bleak.

Fiona:

Yeah.

Ben:

It's horrible, yeah. And the Vincent, was it Vincent Linden?

Fiona:

Yep.

Ben:

Or Lindon?

Fiona:

Lindon, I would've said.

Ben:

Very good, yeah. Very good performance. But that juxtaposed next to a girl who's also a serial killer. There's that as well. So that juxtapose next to a woman giving birth to a car, it sort of takes away Vincent's ark. Doesn't it, a little bit?

Fiona:

Yeah, definitely. Definitely. But why did we need her to be a murderer? What was her motivation to kill? Yeah, fair enough, she was hounded by these guys. That's fair enough. She stabs them in a very good scene, by the way, where she stabs them at the very beginning. Where she stabs them with her hair clip or whatever.

Ben:

Oh yeah, hair clip. Yeah.

Fiona:

With her knitting needle, whatever. And then he starts seizing. I really liked that scene, that was very good, I have to say.

Ben:

Realistic, was it?

Fiona:

Yes. Very good. But what is her motivation to kill? Is it because she had this significant head injury when she was younger, that's making her not think about things? Or what is it? There should have been a bit more of her backstory, I feel.

Ben:

Well, I think it's just using not a trope of horror, but I don't know. You get certain elements within horror itself, so body horror is very present in this.

Fiona:

Yes.

Ben:

Serial killing is present in a lot of horror films. So it's using that, isn't it, for whatever reason to get to the point of Vincent's bit and his story, and this whole unconditional love that he has for his son. And he knows probably from the get-go that she's not his son.

Fiona:

Well, he refuses a DNA test, doesn't he, as well?

Ben:

Yeah. So it's better than nothing.

Fiona:

Well, yeah. But he's just really lonely, you can see that from the get-go.

Ben:

It's like, he doesn't know her backstory, but it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter who she is, or what she is, or what she's done. That she's given birth to a car, whatever, better than nothing. "I'm struggling. I'm old. I'm lonely. I'll look after you." He has that line, doesn't he? Where he says, "Don't panic. I'll look after you, no matter what." And, "I'll kill myself if I need to. If I harm you in any way, I'll kill myself as well." It's like, "Okay, we get it. You're a decent bloke."

Fiona:

Does she die at the end? Is that why the meaning is? Is she dead?

Ben:

I'm assuming so, yes.

Fiona:

Okay. So what does she give birth to? I was quite disappointed about that.

Ben:

It wasn't a Ford Fiesta.

Fiona:

I was expecting a car.

Ben:

Right, right.

Fiona:

But it's just literally a baby with like a bit of metal plate on the back, by the looks of things.

Ben:

What did you expect?

Fiona:

A car.

Ben:

You actually expected a car to pop out?

Fiona:

I don't know what I expected. But, I don't know.

Ben:

Right. Well, again, do you question it too much? What do you say about it? I guess if you're going to give it birth to anything, it's not going to be a full-blown car.

Fiona:

So does it have an engine or does it have a car? They're the kind of questions I want to know.

Ben:

Oh, fuck off. I don't... Who cares?

Fiona:

I care.

Ben:

Right. But she is human, isn't she, Alexa?

Fiona:

Yeah. Kind of.

Ben:

So she's human-

Fiona:

With a titane plate.

Ben:

Has sex with the car. Part car, part human.

Fiona:

Part titane plate, maybe?

Ben:

What?

Fiona:

Don't know.

Ben:

Well, the baby's got a plate on its head, hasn't it?

Fiona:

Does it have a plate in the head? It just seemed the back, the spine.

Ben:

Maybe. Who knows?

Fiona:

We never know whether it's a boy or a girl either. Never find it out.

Ben:

Right, what else have we got? What else? Yes, lots of awards, you said? Yes. A standing ovation. Did it win the Palme d'Or?

Fiona:

Yes, it won something-

Ben:

Is that what you were talking about?

Fiona:

It won something there, yeah.

Ben:

Look, well, it's one of those. I've seen a lot of buzz around it on Twitter, a lot of people have named it their film of the year. Yeah, I get it. I get it. If you go into it, for a lot of people it will have an emotional pull. There were a lot of obvious subtexts, a lot of interesting stuff underneath the hood.

Fiona:

Yeah. Very good, Ben.

Ben:

Right. So yeah, I get it. But for me it was like I said to Tom, it was just very much a, "Yeah, whatever." I think Raw is a lot more interesting.

Fiona:

That does sound good.

Ben:

I think the director's previous film Raw is a lot more interesting.

Fiona:

It'd be a bit more [inaudible 00:13:00].

Ben:

Yeah. There are not really similar themes, but it's to do with family and bonds and trying to love people unconditionally. There's stuff with that in Raw and elements that intertwine a little bit. But I think Raw is a lot more interesting. It's a lot more accessible, way more accessible. If you can say eating people is, it's more accessible.

Fiona:

Well, it is.

Ben:

It's more accessible.

Fiona:

I have to say, I do think that the acting in this is quite good as well.

Ben:

Yes, the performances are very good. Even from Alexa.

Fiona:

Very good.

Ben:

I think that's her first role, wasn't it? The actor.

Fiona:

No, she did some season, a season of something before this, but God was what it was.

Ben:

Right. Obviously, we've said about Vincent, very good.

Fiona:

Yeah.

Ben:

There's lots of good stuff. I was going to say there's lots of interesting stuff. Well, for me, not really. Like I said, it's just like a, "Yeah. Okay." I just didn't connect with it really.

Fiona:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). But then is that because it's us and we're not really into that type of [crosstalk 00:13:50]-

Ben:

You keep saying us. You said that on the last one. No, don't put us in the same-

Fiona:

Category.

Ben:

No, yeah. There's no us, Fiona. Okay?

Fiona:

Oh, excuse me, Ben.

Ben:

You said it on the last one as well. You went, "Oh, us. Yeah, we just don't get it."

Fiona:

Don't break my heart, my achy breaky-

Ben:

And that was about Scream. What are you trying to say, I don't get Scream?

Fiona:

Well, you did. But you just give out. Anyways-

Ben:

Sorry, there's no us, okay?

Fiona:

Okay, okay.

Ben:

You're you and I'm me. Okay? Let's just separate the two.

Fiona:

He's Ben.

Ben:

Idiot.

Fiona:

I enjoyed this film. It's very powerful.

Ben:

I'm sitting too close to the mic.

Fiona:

The performances were quite good. I wouldn't probably watch it again, to be fair, but yeah. What did you think, Ben?

Ben:

Yes. I've said what I need to say, I think.

Fiona:

Any last words?

Ben:

Just not for me, I don't think, overall. Metamorphosis, forgot to mention that, Kafka. There's that, isn't there, that's interesting.

Fiona:

You boobed, Ben. You boobed on that last few seconds.

Ben:

Well, I just didn't have anything written down. I said most of what I wanted to say, really. Well, it's one of those, it's if you really want to get into it you need to sit down and speak about it for an hour. With someone who was interested it or someone who was like, "Do you know what? I'm all in."

Fiona:

I'm not.

Ben:

Okay. Here we go. Well, this is my point of view. Let's listen to yours. And I'm sure I wouldn't disagree with them, I'd be like, "Yeah. Okay. I can see why." Because I can see all the things that are in this film which people will like and they will get something from. It's just for me, it's just like, "Eh, just. Okay."

Fiona:

Can I ask you a question about the us statement? Because there is an us.

Ben:

No more stuff about the film though, Fiona. Because it's 15 Minutes of Flog. It's over now, we've moved on.

Ben:

Yeah, stop putting us into the same category of, "Oh, we just don't get it because we just don't know a lot about film. We're just casual watchers, you know what I mean?"

Fiona:

Well, I don't know a lot about film.

Ben:

Yeah. I know you don't. I do.

Fiona:

Do you?

Ben:

A decent amount.

Fiona:

It doesn't come across that way, Ben.

Speaker 1:

[Inaudible 00:15:38].

Ben:

Right, don't try and show off. Just stop putting us in the same fucking category, please.

Fiona:

Fine, Ben.

Ben:

It is, "It's us, Ben, we're just dummies." No, no. No one of us is.

Fiona:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, you can find us on the Facebook, the Twitter, the Instagram, all of the social media platforms. If you like what you hear, give us a like, share, review and comment. Comment?

Ben:

You always say comment, what are they commenting on?

Fiona:

I have no idea.

Ben:

Where are they commenting? Commenting on what?

Fiona:

The Facebook and the Twitter.

Ben:

Right, right.

Fiona:

I don't know.

Ben:

Yeah, retweet.

Fiona:

Goodpods, all that kind of stuff.

Ben:

Do that stuff, yeah. Share it.

Fiona:

Yep, yep, yep.

Ben:

Share it to a friend. Your neighbor, your Nan, someone. Someone may like it. You don't, someone else might. Why not?

Fiona:

Yes. Yes, yes.

Ben:

Right, okay. That's it then, isn't it?

Fiona:

Yes.

Ben:

I've got some more interesting notes here, that's a shame. No, actually no I don't really, not really. Not really. That's fine, okay.

Fiona:

Goodbye and thank you.

Ben:

Yeah. Cheers.

Ben:

"Well, it is us, Ben." What is this shit?

Fiona:

What I mean by that is, "Ben, we're the most unimpressed people in the world." Oops. Right, what we doing? Huh?

Ben:

Right. Categories, here we go.

Fiona:

Is it recording?

Ben:

Yes. Yes, we're recording.

Fiona:

Oh, shite.

Ben:

Can you see it here?

Fiona:

Yes.

Ben:

Yes.

Fiona:

Yes.

Ben:

Exciting. Oh, we need to improve, I think. How did the first one go?

Fiona:

Okay, I felt it was abit rushed.

Ben:

Right.

Fiona:

A bit rushed, but yeah.

Ben:

It's rushed again, I haven't got to clue what I'm doing. What buttons am I pressing? Which one was first, last time?

Fiona:

I can't remember.

Ben:

Oh, fucking hell. Yeah, this is better then. Way better. Okay, this one?

Segments:

Say something I'm giving up on you.

Fiona:

So this segment is called, Ben, say something nice. Where he has 10 seconds to say something nice about a character from a film.

Ben:

I haven't got a timer still.

Fiona:

However, in this film the characters aren't very well known. So I am just going to on the fly think of somebody for Ben to say something nice about.

Ben:

Oh, this is exciting.

Fiona:

I'll decide then whether that is sufficiently nice or not, basically.

Ben:

Okay, great. You've got the road caster.

Fiona:

Yes, I do. So, Ben, you've got 10 seconds to say something nice about Jada Pinkett Smith.

Ben:

Oh, fuck off.

Fiona:

Will Smith's wife.

Ben:

Fuck off.

Speaker 1:

I am dead inside.

Speaker 1:

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

Ben:

I'm not wasting my time on that, that junk. Not doing it.

Fiona:

Oh. Well, that's-

Ben:

She fucking sucks. How about that? There you go.

Fiona:

Oh, I think that needs another, "I am dead inside."

Ben:

Don't want to overdo it.

Fiona:

Okay, next.

Ben:

Terrible.

Fiona:

Okay.

Ben:

What's next? What's next? Oh yes, this one. Here we go. Ready?

Segments:

You are a smelly pirate hooker.

Ben:

Yes you are.

Fiona:

So in this segment, we decide whether we're going to rent, buy, or pirate, or stream, however, you want to say it, the movie that we've just seen.

Ben:

I thought it was just buy or pirate, or just rental pirate. You're just adding new... But yeah.,I guess you rent, you stream, you do all sorts of fun these days.

Fiona:

Yeah. So we do not promote pirating, any kind of [crosstalk 00:18:40]-

Ben:

Whoa, Fiona, Fiona, we don't... Pirating, bad, bad. Cannes version, don't do it. What's the point? Terrible, terrible quality.

Fiona:

However, I would 100% pirate this movie.

Speaker 1:

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.

Ben:

Oh, well, I don't condone it. I can't agree. That's it, you're pirating? That's it?

Fiona:

Yeah, I'm pirating.

Ben:

Oh wow.

Fiona:

Illegally.

Ben:

Wow. So you are a smelly pirate hooker?

Fiona:

I have a pirate hooker, yes.

Ben:

Right, okay.

Fiona:

Yes, I am.

Ben:

Okay. There we go.

Fiona:

And you know what? I'm not ashamed of it.

Ben:

Look, if you can find... It's one of those films as well if you can find it. It's got a limited release, I think, in the UK, which makes it harder as well. So a lot of people I'm sure would want to go and watch it, pay their money. Great. Is it at your local cinema? Is it within a 50-mile radius? I don't know.

Ben:

So yeah, I don't condone it, I don't condone piracy. It's terrible, bad. Bad, but maybe on this occasion just to watch it without too much hassle, maybe some piracy. But don't do it.

Fiona:

Okay, so Ben's-

Ben:

No, I don't condone it.

Fiona:

Ben's pirating.

Ben:

I do not condone piracy. Please.

Fiona:

Next.

Ben:

What's next?

Fiona:

Whips.

Ben:

Is it?

Fiona:

Yes.

Ben:

What's the made myself one?

Speaker 1:

[Inaudible 00:19:43].

Ben:

Oh, right.

Speaker 1:

Have I made myself [crosstalk 00:19:43]?

Ben:

Oh right, that one. Yeah, okay. That's not a segment. Is it?

Fiona:

It's one that I'm talking [crosstalk 00:19:50]-

Ben:

Yeah, this is going smoother than the first time. Yeah, great. All right, yep.

Speaker 1:

[Inaudible 00:20:00]. Oh, harder daddy.

Ben:

Great. Flog score, whip score beat a dead horse. Flog a dead horse. One to five. What did I say last time? Five being a demolition job, one being a...

Fiona:

Pat on the bum.

Ben:

Tap on the bum or something?

Fiona:

Yeah, yeah.

Ben:

Okay, Fiona, what are you giving this one?

Fiona:

I'm giving this bad boy four big whip-peroos.

Ben:

What's this film called again?

Fiona:

Titane.

Ben:

Titane?

Fiona:

Titin.

Ben:

Titin?

Fiona:

Can you let me talk?

Ben:

Sorry, Fiona, go on.

Fiona:

Yes, it's okay then. Four big whips for this film. I was on the verge of giving it five. However, the performances were quite good by the actors. The storyline was just a bit odd for me, hence why it's getting the four. What about you, big boy?

Ben:

Just a bit odd for you?

Fiona:

Yeah.

Ben:

God, what was two and a half? Is two and a half average or is three average?

Fiona:

Three would be average.

Ben:

Right, okay. Yeah. Oh, but that sounds harsh because in many ways it is a well-made film. It's a very well-made film, in many ways.

Fiona:

So what is it?

Ben:

Shot very nicely, didn't mention that. Two and a half.

Fiona:

You can't do two and a half, Ben.

Ben:

No, I just add it, it's fine. Two and a half, that's fine. I keep putting my head over the mic for some reason.

Fiona:

Yeah, but who's going to get the whips, me or you?

Ben:

Sorry?

Fiona:

Are you going to do four whips or two whips?

Ben:

Oh shit, yeah. We didn't think about that, did we?

Fiona:

No.

Ben:

Because last time we just had the same one. Oh dear. Oh dear. Have to play [inaudible 00:21:24]. I will have to play both because people can't get enough, so.

Fiona:

You can't do six whips, Ben. I'm sorry, you need to draw the line.

Ben:

Well, the fans care, don't they?

Fiona:

And they don't give a shite about the whips, Ben.

Ben:

About our differing opinions.

Fiona:

No.

Ben:

Right, so you four, me two and a half.

Fiona:

Yeah.

Ben:

Okay, there we go.

Fiona:

Well, there's no six whips. So then you have to give a five.

Ben:

We're not combining the scores. They're separate scores, aren't they? Fuck.

Speaker 1:

You're tearing me apart.

Ben:

And a half. Okay, right. So, great-

Fiona:

This is very stressful.

Ben:

There we go.

Fiona:

Goodbye.

Ben:

What have we got next?

Speaker 1:

We're just ordinary people. We're just-

Ben:

Oh, shit. Okay, Fiona, Ordinary People. What's this about? You alright?

Fiona:

Yeah.

Ben:

What's the problem?

Fiona:

It's just us. I'm not [crosstalk 00:22:23].

Ben:

New segment, Ordinary People. What are we doing, please?

Fiona:

My back is really sore. Right, start again.

Ben:

Okay, Fiona. Ordinary People.

Fiona:

Yes, Ben.

Ben:

New segment.

Fiona:

Yes, yes.

Ben:

Right, what are we doing?

Fiona:

This is where we shout out a couple of podcasts who.. I don't know, you introduced it last time, Ben.

Ben:

Fucking hell, yes.

Fiona:

You introduced it last time. You can't just spring this hit on me.

Ben:

Well, it's a segment. It's part of the new segment, it's not being sprung on you.

Fiona:

Yes, Ben, I know what it is.

Ben:

Right.

Fiona:

But I can't articulate it right now.

Ben:

Okay, right. So it's because we're a big deal. Remember?

Fiona:

Yes, yes, yes.

Ben:

Huge deal. Huge deal. After last year after Flogoween, Flogmas, we're massive. We're getting invited on talk shows, we're on the radio all the time. All sorts of stuff is happening.

Fiona:

Yeah. Being promoted left, right and center.

Ben:

I get flooded when I leave the house. I can't get to work without being chased by paparazzi.

Fiona:

Crazy.

Ben:

It's ridiculous. It's making me unwell.

Fiona:

Really?

Ben:

Yes.

Fiona:

Okay. I haven't had that input, but you're the man of the show, Ben.

Ben:

Yeah, it's full-on. It's just terrible.

Fiona:

Can I just shout my guy out?

Ben:

Here we go. What have we got?

Fiona:

I came across this guy, I think he must be Irish, he's great. What the fuck do you want?

Ben:

Yes.

Fiona:

Amazing. There's the C-word put in there.

Ben:

Oh yes. Enjoys it, yeah. Very much.

Fiona:

Very good. He's a man I'd like to get friendly with now.

Ben:

Yes. Well, there you go. Please, we're available. Sorry, Fiona's available. She's Irish.

Fiona:

Pimping me out again.

Ben:

So hey, let's hook up.

Fiona:

Oh yeah.

Ben:

Take her, please. Yeah, so that's what we like to do, we just like to shout out smaller podcasts. Give them a bit of a listener bump. Because as we said, our platform is humongous.

Fiona:

Massive. Who do you want to shout out, Ben?

Ben:

Who have we got?

Fiona:

You've been busy this week.

Ben:

Yes. Okay, so who have we got? We've got, We Needed Roads, with Neil and David.

Fiona:

Okay.

Ben:

Yeah.

Fiona:

Very good, yes.

Ben:

Say your stuff then, "They're doing well."

Fiona:

Yes, they're doing very well.

Ben:

Doing well.

Fiona:

Yes.

Ben:

Good.

Fiona:

It's very enjoyable.

Ben:

What else have we got? Review It Yourself.

Fiona:

Oh yes. Review It Yourself. That's Sean.

Ben:

Sean, yes. That's great. Yes, yes.

Fiona:

Very good.

Ben:

Yours truly was on there recently on an episode of the rock, Michael Bay. Very long. Well, he probably didn't have control over your waffling, Ben.

Fiona:

Well, so that's the thing. I didn't quite realize how much of a waffler Sean was himself.

Ben:

Oh, God. Two wafflers together.

Fiona:

Yeah. [Inaudible 00:24:33] disaster.

Ben:

So I'm sure we're going to do more in the future. Great guy, Sean. But we need to curb it, big time. We can't be doing too many of those because we do have to live.

Fiona:

I think I was texting you actually when you were on the podcast, wasn't I, to hurry up. Because I was hungry.

Ben:

Oh yes, yes. Well, that's what happens, two wafflers.

Fiona:

I was getting hangry.

Ben:

Two wafflers. And they just don't know where to stop.

Fiona:

Yes.

Ben:

But yes, Review It Yourself.

Fiona:

Review It Yourself, Ben.

Ben:

Keep going. Good stuff. Nice to have you in the indie podcast scene. Talking Sopranos. The second-best Sopranos podcast out there.

Fiona:

Oh, I quite like Sopranos Redefined, myself.

Ben:

Oh, do you?

Fiona:

Yeah.

Ben:

Sounds shit.

Fiona:

It does. It is shit.

Ben:

It is the first one, apparently-

Fiona:

Two gimps doing it.

Ben:

It's number one. Can you say gimps? Not sure.

Fiona:

I just did.

Ben:

Okay, right. Yes, good stuff.

Fiona:

I could say that on what the fuck do you want podcast? I bet you any money.

Ben:

There she is. Get her on please, please. She wants to come on.

Fiona:

I just want to swear.

Ben:

Okay, last one. We Hate Movies.

Fiona:

Oh, I do.

Ben:

Good podcast.

Fiona:

I really do.

Ben:

Yeah, I... Well, no, no I like them, but I like to hate them as well.

Fiona:

Fair enough.

Ben:

Good podcast, been listening for a number of years. Again, not quite there at our level, but getting there slowly but surely. Keep going guys.

Fiona:

Keep going lads. You've got it in the bag.

Ben:

Anymore before we go? That dragged a bit. I waffled a little bit.

Fiona:

Yes, you always waffle, Ben. No, that's me. I'm all out.

Ben:

Okay, there you go.

Fiona:

Keep going lads. Keep up the good work.

Ben:

Anything else?

Fiona:

[Foreign language 00:25:52].

Ben:

I'll probably put the outro, the new outro. You know from back home?

Fiona:

Yes, yes, yes.

Ben:

Yes.

Fiona:

Bye.

Ben:

Okay, Fiona?

Fiona:

Bye.

Ben:

So enjoy that. Thanks.

Hannah Irish:

And now to sound you out, the sound of Ireland. [Inaudible 00:26:16].

  1.  
Intro (no waffle)
Start of the review
Hilarious Segments
The Sounds of Ireland Outro